Tonight's instalment of medical melodrama gets off to an exciting start with a sodden Les Large rushing into a rain-lashed phone box to call the ambulance service (who are brought to us via the magic of stock footage).
Les has been involved in a car accident (a still of some cars, accompanied by blaring horns) on his way back from holidaying in Wales. And the woman whose car his collided into (Caroline Blakiston) isn't looking too well.
At the hospital, Les's wounds are tended by Michaela Davis. He tells her and Charlie Booth what happened: he swerved to avoid a dog and then another car that came out of nowhere, lost control of the vehicle and collided with the woman's car. Charlie reveals that her name's Lena Hyde and she's the PA of a bigwig called Gerald Frobisher, who's paying for her to have private treatment. She seems to have escaped with just concussion and a cut on her hand, but Les is so worried that he pukes up. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's TV Minus 50's very first vomiting scene!
Louise Mahler's busy looking after the unconscious Ms Hyde. An insect chooses this moment to alight on the camera.
Meanwhile, at the swanky residence of Leon Dorsey, he and his wife Eleanor are having a row about his mysterious medical condition. He insists it's nothing to worry about, but she begs him to get checked out, eventually breaking down in tears at his intransigence.
None of this weakens Leon's resolve to stick it out, but the ringing of the telephone sets off such agonising tinnitus that he finally agrees to let Dr Grant have a look at him.
Back in the men's medical ward, Mr and Mrs Price are still agonising over the money he took from the union outing fund to buy her a washing machine. She tells him that the dread Mr Dewhurst, having discovered that the money is missing, intends to pay him a visit in hospital. He's terrified.
Louise and Sister Ransome have a friendly chat about tea and biscuits, which is interrupted by a ringing phone. A phone that continues to ring even after Louise answers it (I believe the makers of another ATV soap, Crossroads, denied that this emblem of rickety old recorded-as-live telly ever actually occurred in their programme, so it's quite a thrill to see it actually happen here. If you're thrilled by the sort of things I am, anyway).
Ivor Gittings tries to engage Les in conversation about his holiday, but he's still fretting about the car accident. He does a lot more fretting when he realises that he's behind on his insurance payments, and that Michaela forgot to forward a reminder letter on to him.
Les is hoping that Lena's going to be understanding about the accident, but it seems there'll be no such luck: she's livid, terrified that the tendons in her hand have been cut, and desperate to get her hands on the man who ran into her. And what's more, she doesn't have any memory of Les swerving the other car before crashing into her. Caroline Blakiston emotes bitterly to a glass of milk: "Blast you, Dr Large! Blast you!"
For being uninsured, Les is looking at a huge fine and a suspension, and if Lena says there was no other car he could be facing a charge of dangerous driving. Gittings doesn't help matters by bringing up a friend of his who got three months for colliding with a sheep (I should probably make it clear that he was in a car at the time). Meanwhile, Rex Lane-Russell is on the phone to Jane Beattie, their relationship having apparently been rekindled. The fact that he gazes at a skull while talking to her seems rather sinister.
Sister Ransome tries to get to the bottom of what's troubling Mr Price, but he still doesn't want to talk about it. She tries to cheer him up by telling him he's getting better, but he thinks it might be better if he doesn't.
We're privy to Rex's artistic talent as he shows off a cartoon to Louise. At a guess, it's meant to depict Dorsey finally succumbing to Grant's insistence on examing him.
Louise is transferring to Rex's team in men's medical the following week, and he suggests they go out for a meal to "get to know each other better". She accepts his invitation, but it's clear she's no intention of becoming another of his conquests.
Elsewhere, Grant sets to giving Dorsey a good going-over with his little hammer.
Michaela's having a sniffle, as she holds herself responsible for Les's insurance woes. In his usual overbearing way, Charlie tries to cheer her up, pointing out that Lena Hyde's injuries could have been a lot worse...
...at which point, in her private ward, Ms Hyde promptly collapses.
Grant finishes his examination of Dorsey, and angrily rounds on his patient, who he believes has known all along what was wrong with him. Dorsey admits that yes, he has indeed...
...and if you feel so inclined you can come back on Tuesday to find out what it is.